Dignan's Guide to Life

People use Cetaphil cream for dry skin. I find it is a delicious appetizer, although it does give me gas.

"Drop it" means shake the toy harder and yank on it incessantly. "DROP IT" means drop it.

The postman is out to kill us all and must be stopped.

At night, it's so cold out of the covers but it's so hot under the covers so it's best to alternate every 5 minutes. Continue until your owners yell at you.

It is possible to catch a lizard and, one day, I will prove it.

Learn how to make saucer eyes. It is a very useful tool.

There is no such thing as sleeping too much.

"W-A-L-K" means walk. Don't let them fool you.

Bummer

Two weeks ago, I was again amazed by Alex Wong on So You Think You Can Dance. Keep in mind that he is a classically trained ballet dancer and he pulled Hip Hop out of the hat. Ballet is so precise and formal; Hip Hop is so loose and grounded. I had a bad feeling that he wouldn't be able to pull it off. Imagine my sheer amazement when he blew it out of the park. Oh my gosh, he was so great! I don't know why I ever doubted him. He is the most amazing dancer I've ever seen. I'm not exaggerating.

Then last week...

he injured himself and had to leave the competition. What? No! I waited a whole year to see him dance and he moved me every time I saw him perform. I couldn't wait to see what he'd do week after week. And now it's over. I don't even care about anyone else. Sure, others can dance and different performers have their moments but he was pretty spectacular every time he got on that stage.

They have invited him back for next year but I don't know that he will do the show again. I may never get to see him dance again. What a bummer.

Dance

I love to watch "So You Think You Can Dance". I don't know what it is about that show but I love it. It makes me want to take dance lessons. Actually, I wanted to take Hip Hop but there aren't a lot of classes for adults in my area. They do have classes at Culture Shock Dance Theatre but it's kind of far away and I'm pretty intimidated to go there. It is the premiere Hip Hop dancing center in San Diego. So, I will just have to rent the SYTYCD workout DVD's to get some hip hop moves for now.

This season just started and there is a guy from Miami who I first noticed last year. He was my favorite to make the Top 20 last year but, in the end, he had a contract with the Miami City Ballet and they would not release him. Bummer. This year, however, he is in the competition and he is my favorite. They called him a robot last week so I was worried. Then, he drew a modern jazz routine with one of my favorite choreographers, Sonya, this week. She looks just like she choreographs...quirky, tough and fun. She did a routine to Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" which is different for her. It was beautiful. I can't say it was my favorite routine ever but, immediately, I just sighed and said "Alex is so awesome". He was. Stunning. My eyes teared up. Apparently, I wasn't the only one. The judges also showered him with compliments.

The other guy I love this year is an 18-year-old kid from a little farming town in middle America. He is so out of his element but so honest. I just love him.

Anyway, I'm happy that my two favorite reality shows are back on TV. Top Chef just started up again also. Nothing will beat last season but I still like to watch. Hmmm, just when I thought I could escape from the grasp of TV for a while.

In other good news, those 3 San Diegans FINALLY returned their copies of "The Postmistress" so my copy is en route to the Rancho Bernardo branch. Hurray!

Henry House

I just finished this book called "The Irresistible Henry House". It was about a practice baby and his life growing up. Apparently, back in the day, Home Economics programs at certain colleges (like Cornell) included a "Practice House" where women would care for a baby. The baby was supplied by the local orphanage and the women would each live in the practice house for a week at a time and learn how to do everything involved with raising a child and running a home. There was an instructor living in the house full-time. After the end of the school year, the baby would be returned to the orphanage, supposedly a prime candidate for adoption...since they were so expertly raised and must be the perfect little children.

What they found in the end was that these children actually had problems bonding with parents because they had such a revolving door of caretakers in their early life. This novel asks how one of their lives might have turned out because of this.

I thought it was a really interesting book and I loved that he went to work at Disney Studios on Mary Poppins. Then he went to London and worked on Yellow Submarine. To me, the best part of the book was living vicariously through him in different decades. I have felt many times that I was born at the wrong time in history. I love reading books that give me an idea what it might have been like to live at another time...whether that be good or bad. I want to experience that slice of life. That is one reason I like period pieces and noir.

At the same time I was finishing up this book, I had to drive to L.A. for work and I popped in a new audiobook. I like to listen to a book when I travel and then finish it by reading the actual book. I thought I was safe because I'm #3 on the waiting list for the book version of "The Postmistress". I've had the audiobook for a while so I listened to it on my last trip. Of course, I am totally into it and now I have to wait for these other San Diegans to return their copies of the book so I can get one. Come on already!

I don't like reading 2 different books at the same time because I find myself confusing them. For instance, there are similar characters in both "The Irresistible Henry House" and "The Postmistress". It's the personalities that I find similar so, as I listened to "The Postmistress", I kept thinking about Henry House. Oh, wait, he's not in this story. Ugh! I guess I could read a completely different type of book. For instance, skip the fiction and read a biography or dog training book. Only, I just want to read "The Postmistress". I don't know if it was the woman narrating the book or the actual way it was written or both, but I really like the flow of the words. It is beautiful. And, once again, it is a slice of life from a different time and place.

I am happy to be so excited about reading again. I turned away from it for many years but now I am embracing it whole-heartedly.

Dignan's Arch Enemy

Don't know why he started doing this...

The Force

I think Dignan has watched too many "Star Wars" movies. He will stare at me with such intensity that I think, at any moment, my snack will float out of my hand and into his mouth. He must think so too. Alas, the Force is not with him.

LOST

I don't know what possessed me to watch the LOST series finale twice. What a cryfest. I watched it alone last night and basically cried through the entire 2 1/2 hours. This morning, the eyelashes on my right eye were stuck together. My eyelids were so puffy, I could barely open my eyes...and that was after my miracle MAC eyecream.

I watched it again tonight with Matthew and we were both blubbering idiots. It was so happy and so sad. I will really miss that show.

I wanted a mind-blowing time-twisty ending but I got something completely different. At first, I was a little shocked, maybe a little let-down. Yet, I still feel satisfied, just in a different way.

Modern Family, May 19th

Oh my gosh, I love that show "Modern Family". It is so hilarious. I love Cam the best but they are all great together. If you watch it, the Hawaii episode was especially sweet because of Phil. He's usually a bit of a dork but he really came through that time.

Anyway, it got me missing my family. I've been having that feeling lately, partly because I've also been watching Parenthood and partly because I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Seriously, what will I have to show for my life? I have nothing creative to contribute to the world and I have no kids. When I am old, who will be there for me? I guess it's all coming to the surface because Matt and I have been thinking of our wills and I realized that the only people that will be there for us to pass on our life savings will be siblings, nieces and nephews. That's really sad. I'm not saying I want to have kids just because of that but I still feel a little bit like maybe I missed something. It's too late for me now because I'm too set in my ways but I hope I didn't make a mistake.

Anyway, I loooooooove my nieces and nephews and I also love Stephanie's daughter, Emily. I live vicariously through them. I wish I could see all of them more often to get a real sense of their growth but I get what I can. You'd think I'd see Emily more than my relatives because she lives down the street but that's not the case. Stephanie is always busy and she does a lot with her other friend, Michelle. I actually think I see my nephews, Eli and Lucas, the most and they live all the way up in Ventura.

I think I'm also feeling a little lonely. You know, I moved down to San Diego because I could keep my job by moving down here and it wouldn't have worked that way if Matt moved to L.A. However, once again, I'm just hanging out with my boyfriend's/husband's friends. I don't have any friends of my own. I know that they will become "my" friends also eventually but I'm not there yet. I have Stephanie but she is spending so much time with her other divorced friend that I hardly see her. I don't blame her but I feel like I have no one else. I have always had a hard time making friends and I just find it impossible now. I should take up some hobbies outside of the house but I don't know what to do. It's not so much that I'm lonely for other people because I'm someone that could probably live on a desert island and be fine. It's just that I feel worthless. I'm contributing nothing to the world and no one, except Matthew, would even notice that I'm gone.

Geez, I sound suicidal. I'm not. I could never. Like I said, it's a mid-life crisis.

It doesn't help that Lost is ending this week. It is really upsetting to me for some reason. I love that show and I will really miss it. Hmmm. Is it that I feel an attachment to the characters and I feel I am losing them...just more friends that I won't have anymore? I don't know. I'm just feeling nostalgic about the whole thing, like it is an important show in television history and it is ending. You know, I never watched the last "M*A*S*H*" for the same reason. I cried every time I thought about it and I was afraid of the ending. I guess I could watch it now.

So, family is the word in my head right now. I'm looking forward to seeing them all this summer. I just wish my brother, Will, would join us. I don't know what's up with him. He is really secretive about his life and he won't come to family gatherings anymore. It's very upsetting. However, he does respond when I email him, asking if he's still alive. So, that's something.

May 2nd

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life."

When I fail at my resolutions, this is what I say to myself and I just start again.

So, it's Sunday and I don't do my normal workouts on the weekend BUT I worked my a$% off in the backyard today so it counts in the active category. 4 1/2 hours and I'm exhausted. My body is so tired that I can't relax. It was worth it, though. Every time I look out the kitchen window, I feel a sense of accomplishment. We have a lot more to do but it looks SOOOOO much better. The mint has been reigned in, rosemary cut into cute little rounded bushes, sage cut back and my fig and grapefruit trees are no longer being engulfed by weeds. Also, my strawberries are out of control. I planted 2 little plants last year in my strawberry pot and they didn't do much of anything. They died off and I thought that was the end of them. Then we had all that rain this year. Now both plants have come back and one of them has produced about 30 strawberries. This is a plant that was in one of those tiny little "balconies" that jut out of a strawberry pot. I couldn't believe it. I wish I had planted more strawberries last year. So, I bought more this year and I can only hope that I'll have a good crop next year.

I guess all of that also counts as something constructive. Oh, Matt got the base of the roof on our patio cover last weekend so I've been dying to decorate the patio. I never thought it would be so hard to find a grey outdoor rug. I saw one in the Crate and Barrel catalog which is the problem. Now that I know it exists, I want it. Nothing else will do. I searched and searched for cheaper alternatives and haven't had any luck. I know I'm going to end up buying the one at Crate and Barrel. It's $400. Ugh.

I also wanted 2 big pots and some palms to go on either side of the patio. I had an idea in my head and I almost got what I wanted. The problem is that big ceramic pots are REALLY expensive. We chose smaller pots and I like the ones we got but they were still $75 each on sale. That's actually a good price and they have a more modern shape so it's hard to find that style. I did find some palms but they are a little smaller than I had envisioned. Now that they are planted and in place, however, I like them. Of course, I want flowers now and more pots. I fear this will become a new obsession.

I'm about to go do something enjoyable. I'm reading "The Talented Mr. Ripley" right now. I've seen the movie so I picture Matt Damon, etc. while I'm reading. It's not a big deal but I wish I didn't know what was going to happen. At least, the next novel in the series will be surprising.

Oh, I read "The Big Sleep" before this. I started it as an audiobook on my drive to LA last month and I totally loved it. I have to read more Raymond Chandler because he is a genius at description. I didn't pay much attention to the story itself because I was so focused on the words and phrases. Fantastic! Apparently, I need to read Dashiell Hammett as well.

Eternity (by James Joyce)

This is my favorite description of eternity. It's from the book "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" which I have never finished. I've read it many times but I always get to the same point and then stop. Luckily, this passage is in the portion that I read and re-read. I love it.

You have often seen the sand on the seashore. How fine are its tiny grains! And how many of those tiny little grains go to make up the small handful which a child grasps in its play. Now imagine a mountain of that sand, a million miles high, reaching from the earth to the farthest heavens, and a million miles broad, extending to remotest space, and a million miles in thickness; and imagine such an enormous mass of countless particles of sand multiplied as often as there are leaves in the forest, drops of water in the mighty ocean, feathers on birds, scales on fish, hairs on animals, atoms in the vast expanse of the air: and imagine that at the end of every million years a little bird came to that mountain and carried away in its beak a tiny grain of that sand. How many millions upon millions of centuries would pass before that bird had carried away even a square foot of that mountain, how many eons upon eons of ages before it had carried away all? Yet at the end of that immense stretch of time not even one instant of eternity could be said to have ended. At the end of all those billions and trillions of years eternity would have scarcely begun. And if that mountain rose again after it had been all carried away, and if the bird came again and carried it all away again grain by grain, and if it so rose and sank as many times as there are stars in the sky, atoms in the air, drops of water in the sea, leaves on the trees, feathers upon birds, scales upon fish, hairs upon animals, at the end of all those innumerable risings and sinkings of that immeasurably vast mountain not one single instant of eternity could be said to have ended; even then, at the end of such a period, after that eon of time the mere thought of which makes our very brain reel dizzily, eternity would scarcely have begun."

March 10, 2010

Last weekend, Matt and I took the train up to visit his parents in Moorpark, CA. It had been a long time since we had done that so I was excited. I always enjoy riding on the train. Actually, I enjoy all public transportation with one exception. The Bus. I will never take a bus unless it's the only option; it's just too costly in terms of time. Once, my old roommate, Jocelyn, and I took the bus down to Venice Beach from Westwood and it took 4 hours. FOUR HOURS. That is insane for a distance that takes no more than 30 minutes by car. Obviously, we chose the wrong bus but I don't care. It left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

On the other hand, I get giddy when I get to ride subways, monorails, trolleys, ferries...anything I didn't have growing up in Brawley or during my many years in Los Angeles. In fact, that's one of my favorite parts about travelling to other cities and countries. I just think it's fun trying to figure out the ticket system and the maps. It's extra hard in foreign countries that don't speak English but that's part of the fun. It gives you such a feeling of accomplishment when you end up in the correct place and you haven't been fined for riding without the proper ticket.

Train travel is my favorite mode of transportation in Europe. I could just stare out the window all day. We also took a lovely train in Australia from Sydney to the Blue Mountains. In America, I've only ridden the Amtrak Pacific Surfliner. The ride from San Diego to Orange County is nice because it goes along the coast and you can often see guys surfing right outside. After it goes inland, however, there isn't much of a view until you get past Van Nuys. I've never gone past Moorpark but I hope to take the train up to Santa Barbara sometime. I'll bet the ride is pretty up there also.

Anyway, we had a nice visit with Matt's parents and then his brother's family came over. Blake and Janet have 2 kids that are both adorable. Of course, I spend most of my time just staring at Lucas who is only 8 months old. He is such a happy baby that he warms my heart. I sometimes wonder if I really don't want kids or if I just think I don't. Ultimately, I know I'm too selfish and it's too late anyway. I just hope I don't regret the decision someday.

Before the visit up north, I was doing really well with my diet. I worked out Monday through Thursday (Friday, I had to pack, etc. since I was leaving right after work). I followed my eating plan and I think I had lost at least 1 pound during the week. The weekends are always my downfall, however, and this one was no exception. Not only did I eat a Snickers bar, chips and salsa, trail mix and wine for dinner on Friday but we had a Mexican feast on Saturday...twice. Then I didn't work out at all this week and I went to In-N-Out for dinner tonight. Ugh. My weigh-in next Monday is going to SUCK.

I haven't done much constructive in the past few weeks either. Oh, I did get my Social Security card in the mail so I'm officially Susan Diane Shank Barron now. It's weird but I'll get used to it. Now, I just have to do DMV, passport, mortgage, title, credit cards, bills, etc., etc., etc.

For fun, I've been watching a lot of TV now that my shows are back on. My favorite new show this year is "The Good Wife". It's really well done and the cast is great. I also started reading another Sookie novel. I had to read an adult vampire story after suffering through Twilight. It's not Pulitzer material but it's fun...and I'm still on the waiting list for The Help at the library.

Believe it or not, I checked out the audiobook for New Moon from the library on Monday. I don't know what possessed me. Actually, it isn't that bad so far. I listened on the drive up to L.A. today and I found myself engrossed. Maybe it's the WAY I read the Twilight series. I feel some of the dialog is corny so I think I'm reading it that way, kind of making fun of it. I'm a slow reader because I sort of act out the book in my head as I go. When I don't like it, I almost picture myself rolling my eyes as if telling an audience that I'm not buying it. When someone else reads it, however, I just listen and visualize the story. I'm not as focused on the dialog. So we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll like it more if I just listen to it.

February 27th

It's raining outside. I love it. I sometimes wish I could live in a place that experienced more weather. I say this as someone who lives in a very sunny climate and always has. Were I to actually move to my dream place, I might find that I hate it. I'll never know unless I try, though. Someday.

I didn't quite meet my goal of 4 workouts this week but I did do 3 so that's not bad. It's still pretty active.

I don't know that I accomplished something constructive every day this week but I did get one of my most procrastinated tasks completed. I changed my name. I visited Social Security on Wednesday. As soon as I got there and saw that there was no parking, I knew it wouldn't be a quick trip. Luckily, as I turned around to drive out the other driveway and take a spot on the street, a woman walked up to her car to leave. I maneuvered a little so that I would be in position to take her spot but still give her room to pull out. Unfortunately, I was blocking one of the driveways. Since she was already trying to back out, I figured it wouldn't be a problem. Wouldn't you know that some old guy drives up in his car right at that moment and wants to exit out of the driveway I am blocking. He honked. I motioned to the woman that was pulling out of her spot. I couldn't really pull forward or I would be in her way. Of course, she was having difficulty because her tire was up on the curb a bit so she was taking longer than I had expected. All of a sudden, the man was out of his car, walking up to my window. I cracked it a few inches and he started yelling, "I'm calling the police on you!". I just laughed and said, "Go ahead. Good luck with that." I knew I'd be out of the way in about 30 seconds and, sure enough, I was. I noticed the security guard from the Social Security office walking back inside. He had come to check on me. He asked what happened when I got inside. Then he brought me a little rating card for service in the office "since he had made contact with me". I was in the midst of writing a nice review of him when I looked at some of the other questions on the form. It said, "what time was your appointment?" and "how long did you wait?". Appointment?!? I scoured their website and there was NO mention that I could make an appointment. I knew I should have called. I ended up waiting about an hour but at least I finally got it done. I have a bunch of other things to do once I get the new card but I've started the process and that feels great.

Regarding my free time for all things enjoyable, I spent most of it reading and watching movies. Sunday, I finished "Twilight". As I've mentioned before, I had a hard time with it. It would get interesting and then it would be very sophomoric. I had higher hopes for the movie and I was disappointed. It was the same thing. I usually like the lead actress but I thought she was stiff and awkward. In fact, all of the actors seemed pretty bad. Maybe it was the script. I also didn't feel like Robert Pattinson was that steamy. Okay, he had his moments but not enough of them to make me believe he was this irresistible being.

I also finished "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" this week. I had listened to part of it on audiobook when I drove to LA for work. I had high hopes for that as well and was, once again, disappointed. It's probably because the TV series is so well written that the book seemed like an average everyday mystery from the paperback bestseller list. Perhaps they should have hired Michael C. Hall to read the thing. I know that would have made a vast improvement. Still, when I read the latter part of the book, I imagined his voice and it didn't really help.

Last night, Matt and I watched "The Hurt Locker". This time, I was not disappointed. From the opening scene, I was on the edge of my seat. I loved how I felt transported to the war. It felt so real that I had a hard time winding down afterwards. It's easy to see why people can't wait to get out of there but the movie also helped me understand why, to some people, war is a drug.

Vampire Dog?

I love the end of this little clip of Dignan, especially the end, although it may be a little hard to see in such a small screen.

February 21st

I'm so lazy. Seriously. My big plan was to write my blog every day or two and it's been, what, 13 days since my last blog. Shameful.

I can tell you that I have been reasonably active. Aside from my trip to LA for work on Feb 10-11, I have worked out every single workday. That's 6 days of my regular workout. I had planned to do President's Day also but had a little mishap with some Chardonnay the night before. I really don't drink much even though I mention wine a lot. I usually only have 1-2 glasses in one night and that's usually only on weekends. However, we went out with Matt's friends on Sunday night and these particular friends seem to lull me into drinking and not realizing it. I've only thrown up twice in my life after drinking and it has always been with them. I don't think they are a bad influence. I think that I just lose track and then it creeps up on me. I really HATE throwing up and will do anything to keep it from happening which is part of the reason I watch what and how much I drink. I prefer to be just a little buzzed and that's it. I never enjoy being drunk because I like having control over my body. I've never done hallucinogenic drugs for the same reason....although, taking Ambien on long international flights, I have experienced hallucinations. I don't mind it then because I am still in control. I know that I can shut my eyes the second I want it to end and I will fall into sleep. Usually, I shut my eyes right around the time the stewardess points me out as some wacko who is seeing an elephant in the luggage compartment.

I don't know how much I did during the week to accomplish my goal of being constructive but I did manage to do a lot on the weekends; this one especially. I did all of the bills and finances, files our taxes (the only time of year I like paying mortgage interest), did the grocery shopping, made healthy dinners and unhealthy cookies, caught up on magazines and my Olympics recordings and created a new budget so Matt and I can clear up his debt and increase our credit score. Hurray!

I did do a lot of stuff that I enjoyed, starting with my trip to LA for work. I usually hate going up there but this time I had scheduled dinner with some friends. As it turns out, I was able to see several people I hadn't seen in years, including my ex-boyfriend, Mike. It's funny to write that he's my ex because I don't think of him that way AT ALL. In fact, I almost forget that we ever dated. We have been friends for so long. My friend, Stephanie, couldn't believe that I was seeing him and even asked Matt, "You're okay with this?" Maybe it's just our different ways of dealing with breakups but I don't hold grudges (except once) like she does. I admit that I'm not friends with any of my other exes but I have kept in contact with Mike and a lot of my friends are because of him. In fact, that dinner was with people I never would have met if it weren't for him...Catherine, Jenny and Kristen. Matt understands and that's why I love him. He doesn't make anything difficult, especially when there is no reason. After all this talk about Mike, I actually didn't talk to him much at all that night. I sat between Catherine and Jenny and it was great. I miss sitting around talking to girlfriends and I wish I could do it more often.

I also spent the earlier referenced night out with Matt's friends. They are a fun bunch of people and their kids are quite entertaining but that night I was more interested in one couple's new au-pair. She just moved here from Moldavia which is somewhere close to Russia. I'm not really up on my Eastern European geography but I have an idea of what life must be like. Anyway, she's a totally cute girl who really reminds me of the lead singer of The Sundays. (Remember them?) We were at the Wave House in Pacific Beach and it's right on the water so she snuck out to see the ocean. She was there for quite a while so I went out to her. She had never seen the ocean. She said she could not find the words. I tried to imagine seeing it for the first time, waves crashing, salty air, rhythmic rushing sounds...and I was amazed. It brought back the wonder of it all. It was so great to experience it through her eyes that I remember that moment more than all others from that night.

This past week, I haven't done much. I have been trying to finish "Twilight" but I'm finding it a bit too teenager-ish. They are just a little too in love for the amount of time involved. Then, I watched "Bright Star". I knew nothing about it except that it was about the poet John Keats and a woman he loved...directed by Jane Campion. I knew I was in trouble when I started bawling during a preview about a dog that meets his master at the train every day and one day the master doesn't show up (because he died) but the dog keeps coming day after day. I had no idea that John Keats died of tuberculosis so the end result was me with a soggy napkin and swollen eyes. I totally loved it, of course. I cry at the drop of a hat nowadays and it usually bugs me but I don't mind at all when it is during a fantastic, moving film. In fact, I relish it. This movie was beautiful to watch. More than that, it was beautiful to hear. I don't read poetry and don't understand it much when I do but I do know that I love the sound of it; the lyrical way it floats off the tongue. I could not turn off the end credits because Ben Whishaw was reciting "Ode to a Nightingale" and it was glorious. This was sexual tension and true love and all the things "Twilight" wishes it could be. This was why I love movies.

February 8th

I can't believe I forgot to mention the Superbowl yesterday. I would have rather seen the Chargers in it, of course, but I had no problem rooting for the Saints. Unless you are a regular Colts fan, you had to root for New Orleans. I mean, come on. It was actually a good game too; close right until the end. I've seen one too many boring Superbowl so this game was great...very enjoyable.

I'm in a much better mood today too. I don't know if it's because I'm weening myself off of one of my stomach drugs which happens to be a very low dose of something normally given to people for depression...but I've been very short-tempered lately and some days I just wake up in a funk. Not today! I did my normal workout this morning (ACTIVE) so I felt good after that. Then I was very good with my eating today. Okay, I have 50 minutes more because I always stop eating at 9pm but I think I will do it. I will have my tea and some cookies and all will be well.

I also had more energy today so I did a ton of laundry (CONSTRUCTIVE). I normally don't do Matthew's laundry but he's been working a lot lately so I thought I'd surprise him.

Now, I'm going to have my tea and watch "House" then I'm going to spend a few hours in Forks with the "Twilight" gang. I'm ENJOYing it more now that I'm a little further in.

February 7th

Hmmm. I don't seem to be doing very well on my "daily" blog. I guess all I can do is start again.

ACTIVE: I did work out 3 times last week which isn't as much as I'd like but it was better than nothing. I really think I need to work out 5 times a week if I'm ever going to get in shape and lose any weight. The truth is, I just can't diet. I never had to before. I always had a high metabolism so I ate whatever I wanted and it didn't matter. Unfortunately, it's now biting me in the ass. I don't have good eating habits and I have a terrible sweet tooth. I'm trying and I will do well for days at a time. I just can't sustain it. I feel like I'm eating healthier but I still crave something sweet after a meal.

CONSTRUCTIVE: I can't say that I did a lot this week that was constructive. I cleaned the living room today and I paid bills the other day. Other than that, I was pretty lazy. That's my biggest problem in life. I'm lazy. I have lots of ideas but I usually don't make them happen.

ENJOYABLE: Well, since this is the easiest of my resolutions, I did a lot that I enjoyed. I finished "Eat, Pray, Love" and I enjoyed being done with it. To be honest, I liked it a lot more when I was listening to the audiobook because the author narrated it and I think it helped me understand what she was trying to say. I just felt that she was a little arrogant, though not as bad as the woman that wrote "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle". I don't know. I kind of liked it...but not enough. So, now I'm reading "Twilight" even though I swore I wouldn't. Stephanie lent it to me and, since she read "Dead Until Dark" on my recommendation, I am taking her advice and giving this book a chance. I have only read 3 chapters and I don't hate it but I'm not sucked in yet either (no pun intended).

The best part of my week was definitely watching the season premiere of "LOST"...twice. I frickin' love that show. I will be so sad when it's over but, at the same time, I will be excited to be able to rewatch the whole series and know that that's everything. I don't have to wonder what's going to happen. I can look at it as a whole and enjoy looking for little clues that will foretell the end result. Actually, I'm hoping that Jeff Jenson from EW will write a book analyzing the show. He is a genius when it comes to that show and I have enjoyed reading his reviews and hypotheses of the show. He's not always right but he comes up with some awesome theories.

February 1st

It feels good to be ACTIVE again. I completed my full normal workout even though I had some moments of nausea. No, it's not morning sickness; its just me. If I don't get enough sleep, I get nauseous. I have never been able to stay up all night because I get nauseous once I get too sleepy. In fact, the closest I ever came to an all-nighter was sleeping only 3 hours before a final in college. Seriously. I've never stayed up all night. So, anyway, I couldn't sleep last night. I had a difficult time falling asleep which is normal for me because I often lie down and my mind suddenly starts racing. Usually, I try to focus on the (fictional) house I want to buy in Tuscany on a hillside beside a long winding road....or I turn on my rain machine and imagine I'm snuggly in bed while it's cold and rainy outside...or I count and try to visualize each number. Nothing worked last night. Well, I guess something did work because I ended up nodding off sometime after 12:30am. Of course, when Matt's alarm went off at 5:30am, that was it for me. I was awake even though I laid in bed for another hour and a half. Now, I know 5 hours seems like a lot but I actually need at least 6 hours, 6 1/2 really, if I want to function. Hence, the bouts of nausea.

My CONSTRUCTIVE thing for the day was ordering a pair of rain boots. Why, you say? Well, yes, I do live in San Diego but it rains here sometimes and I find myself wearing flip flops half the time to walk outside so I don't ruin any of my shoes. Not out in public but in the yard, etc. I think boots will be useful and I just wanted them...so there.

Once again, I ENJOYED playing Guitar Hero World Tour with Matt. Tonight, I played drums and Matt played guitar. We only did one gig but we got to do some new songs so that was fun.

The Weekend: January 30-31

I haven't been very ACTIVE for about 10 days now. I did help Matthew with our back patio cover and it's coming along nicely. I will miss not being able to see the moon and stars at night from the kitchen window but I think it will be much more useful to have a full cover over the patio. We can install a ceiling fan and heaters and even sit out there with rain falling all around us. That will be my favorite thing because I love the rain.

I also did some CONSTRUCTIVE things this weekend besides the patio cover. I organized my closet a bit. Believe it or not, I still have boxes in there from our move which was about 3 years ago. That's pretty sad. I unpacked one of them and it was full of bath gels and lotions. I get a lot of that stuff from people at work so I've been trying to use it all up. I had just caught up when I got a bunch more for Christmas...and now I found this dang box full of more. Erg!

Anytime I'm not working, I consider it ENJOYABLE. My boss had to ruin part of my Saturday, though, by calling my cellphone to get mad at me for forgetting to do something. There was nothing I could do about it until Monday so I don't know why she couldn't just leave me a voicemail at work or send me an email. It was just mean to call my house and then call my cellphone twice so she could be sure to be a bitch. I'm getting so sick of my job. I used to love working there and then one of the owners died. The other one took over and she has been trying to do the work of 2 people ever since. She won't hire an assistant and she has gotten to be a crazy micro-manager. I don't know how much more I can take. Unfortunately, with the economy like it is, I pretty much have to stay put. I am fortunate because I can work from home, make decent money and get good travel perks. I do feel a sense of loyalty to the company but my boss is really causing those feelings to erode. Pretty soon, I won't care anymore.

Oops

Dang! I didn't even get through one week without flaking on my blog. It shouldn't be that difficult to catch up since I've done practically NOTHING since my last post. I had to come up to L.A. for the week to placate my crazy boss.

I haven't been very ACTIVE at all. I did bring my workout clothes with me. Does that count? My room is at the very end of the hallway so I have to walk further than anyone else when I get off the elevator. Does that count? How about taking the stairs down 2 stories in the parking garage? I know. My weigh-in next Monday will suck.

I've done a little bit of CONSTRUCTIVE stuff this week but probably not every day. I brought my Cooking Light magazines with me. My plan is to go through all of my old issues and tear out only the pages with recipes I want to try. I have been keeping the magazines as if I would EVER go back and consult them. Really, they are just taking up space that I don't have. So, after cutting out the recipes I want to try, I'm going to add them to my over-stuffed recipe binder. I think what I need to do, eventually, is pull out all of my tried-and-true recipes from that binder and make another, slimmed-down, beautifully organized book with my favorite recipes.

I also haven't done much that I would call ENJOYABLE this week. I really wanted to get together with friends but my stupid stomach thought otherwise. So, I have basically spent every evening in my room, watching television. I didn't mind so much last night because I got to see the President's State of the Union address. I am still a fan of President Obama, although I do wish he was a bit more liberal on certain issues like gay marriage. Oh my gosh, I also watched that show "Modern Family" last night. I think I saw a few minutes of it before and thought it was funny but I watched the whole thing last night and now I know it's funny. There were a couple of times I just busted out laughing. I will have to add it to my DVR...as if I don't have enough in there already. I'm such a TV junkie. I should get a job for EW (Entertainment Weekly) in the TV department.

Well, I guess it's about time to read Cooking Light and watch TV!

January 22-24

Whew, I got a little behind. First of all, let me just say up front that I did nothing active....nothing. Friday, I had my new front tooth inserted so I wasn't able to work out that day. My tooth was really bothering me so I didn't want to do much of anything for the rest of the day. Then, I just didn't make the time over the weekend. To make matters worse, I ate like a pig all weekend. It's not that I ate a lot; it's that I ate poorly...meatball sub, donuts, chocolate, etc. I'm so angry at myself but I can't control my eating when I'm pre-menstrual. It's something I really need to address.

I did, however, do quite a bit that was constructive. First of all, I had said tooth put in on Friday. Saturday, I got my hair cut, paid bills, and cleaned the kitchen. Today, I did a lot of packing for my trip to L.A. I have to go up there twice a year for work and stay a week. I hate it but I have to do it to make my boss happy. Personally, I think it's a waste of time and money but what can I do?

I also did a lot of stuff that I found enjoyable. Friday, Matt fell asleep kind of early so I did my favorite Friday night activity...watched TV in bed. I have to watch TV in the living room all week because Matt goes to sleep so early. The weekends are the only time I get to watch in bed and I love it. Saturday, we played Guitar Hero World Tour which is so fun. We switched off playing drums and guitar and our band, Monkeyhead, completed 4 gigs. Then we watched "(500) Days of Summer" which I absolutely loved. It was so real and so right about relationships and people. I love the style of it, too. So intimate and almost like a documentary in a way. Today, we saw "Avatar" at the IMAX in 3-D. I don't really care for James Cameron and I hated most of "Titanic" but I loved Avatar. The 3-D effects were amazing and the world they created was stunning.

January 21st

Active - my normal workout minus Dig's walk; poor thing...I can't walk him tomorrow either, then it's the weekend and then I'm in LA for a week

Constructive - successfully (I hope) evicted 200 ants from my bathroom...okay, I killed them but what choice did I have? I couldn't get them all to go in my bug box

Enjoyable - sat around, watching my TV shows, reading last week's EW (Entertainment Weekly), sipping hot tea and eating cookies

January 20th

Active - my normal workout - a little hard today, maybe because of the mulled wine last night

Constructive - I tracked down this tea I had at the Ivy and loved. It's called Paris by Harney & Sons and it is a black tea with fruit and caramel flavors. So delicious....and soon to be brewing on my stovetop.

Enjoyable - I watched "The New Adventures of Old Christine" which is one of only 2 sitcoms that I watch. It always makes me laugh. Good writing; great cast.

January 19th

Wow, it rained hard today. I did all I could to save the wood we have stacked in the backyard for the patio cover. I hope it worked because I got drenched in the process. Dig just watched from the back door window, all warm and dry. I'm sure he was thinking, "what the hell is she doing out there?"

Anyway, I did manage to walk Dignan this morning before the rain began. I got through my entire normal workout so that was something ACTIVE.

For something CONSTRUCTIVE, I renewed my membership in Amnesty International. I've been a member for over 20 years, probably about 25. Wow!

Most of my evening, however, was spent on something ENJOYABLE. First, a roaring fire. Then, a feast. I made one of my favorite cold weather drinks, Mulled Wine, to sip while we cooked. We started off with a winter salad of lettuce, pears, maple walnuts and blue cheese with a champagne vinaigrette. The main course was all Ellie Krieger recipes (which means healthy)...Spiced Pork Tenderloin and Roasted Nutmeg Cauliflower. I usually hate cauliflower but this was okay. I could eat it again. We finished the meal with some leftover chocolate cake.

Well, it's a good thing I did my full workout today!

New Year's Resolution

Okay, so it's January 18th. To be fair, I have been following part of my resolution since the 1st. I just hadn't decided how ambitious I wanted to be.

So, here we go...

Every day, I will do something active, something constructive and something enjoyable. Why? Well, Active is so I can get in shape. I do want to lose some weight but mostly I'd like to lose the tire that has formed around my waist. Constructive is so I can keep on top of all the projects I want to tackle. I just keep getting more and more (and higher and higher) piles in my office and it's getting out of control. I need to start tackling these projects. Enjoyable, admittedly, will be fairly easy but it's there to make sure I make time for myself every day and just have some fun.

I plan to record these activities daily (and this recording doesn't count as something constructive). In addition, these have to be 3 separate activities.

January 18th:

Active = my normal workout which includes Dignan's brisk 40 minute walk, followed by 30 minutes on the treadmill and 15-20 minutes of either abs or upper body...actually, we only got about 6 minutes of Dig's walk in before it started raining too hard

Constructive = paid bills and updated home finances

Enjoyable = watched "Julie and Julia" and I really liked it; sometimes I get tired of Meryl Streep because everyone always gushes about her acting and it seems like one of her movies comes out about every 3 weeks but she IS fantastic as Julie Child; I really loved her in this movie and Amy Adams is adorable as usual

Running Music

So, I discovered today that "Optimistic" by Radiohead is the perfect running song for me. My feet hit precisely on beat and I was sucked into the song, like I was part of it. I actually forgot I was running. Is this a runner's high? Or a music high?

Either way, I spent the rest of my workout trying to find other songs that fit and I stumbled upon these....

No Line on the Horizon - U2

Let Forever Be - The Chemical Brothers

Broken Boy Soldier - The Raconteurs

Holiday - Green Day

Rebirth of the Cool - The Aghan Whigs

Extreme Ways - Moby

Shadow of the Season - Screaming Trees

Tomorrow Never Knows - The Beatles

Crosstown Traffic - Jimi Hendrix

Them Bones - Alice in Chains

Goodbye Girl - Squeeze

What a Wonderful World - Joey Ramone

History Never Repeats - Split Enz

Passenger - Powderfinger

If you have any songs that you find perfect for working out, let me know!